Groans in the night...

I'm the first to admit that when I'm in the throes of passion I can sometimes get a bit carried away. Ok not just a bit, it's led to broken bed frames, glasses, bruises and a little bit of rough and tumble.

So perhaps this is my way of being punished. Nearly every person I have flatshared with has admitted after the fact that they could hear me as I engaged in coitus maximus with whatever partner or part time lover I had at the time. In fact one friend told me I ruined a particular snow patrol song for her because for some reason, and I can't even recall the song or CD, but apparently me and my amor used to put on the same CD everytime we got it on and it would always start off on that same song..

Shame I know. But now the sex god of noise karma seems to be getting his own back on me. My flatmate and her BF of about 8 months have recently turned into the proverbial rooting rabbits. This wouldn't bother me so much except for the hours they keep. They obviously get it on before bedtime and I put in my earplugs, but its a little bit hard not to notice when its making your own bedframe shake. What perhaps I find even more annoying is the fact it only lasts a mere 4 mins most times. What could be more insulting than that? I would be asking for a match re-play myself. I guarantee those moans and groans she makes is only of her just getting started up..

But perhaps what has become even more frustrating is that they then bizzarely get it on at 3am and go for it again. Only this time the noise is even louder and more noticeable. This isn't just a once off either, it has happened for the last 6 days in a row. I wouldnt be so annoyed if it at least lasted a decent amount of time, but instead it lasts 3-4 mins and then I'm wide awake and can't get back to sleep. So I stepped up the offensive last night. Time to talk tactics. When 3am came around again and they woke me up, yet again, I got out my Ipod and put it on at the loudest level to a mood killing song if ever I heard one. Prince's 'Cream' to let them know a) I could most definitely hear them b) to put them off and c) let them know that their noises are about as tacky and impressive as Prince's cream song.. and it worked. It killed the mood and lasted no longer than 2 mins before petering out.

When I got up this morning with a smile on my face I was greeted by grumpy faces in the kitchen. When I went back into my room they tried to start up again and I put on Tom Jones 'You can leave your hat on' and once again stopped coitus maximus loudious in its tracks.

Yes I'm a party pooper perhaps, everyone should enjoy their bit of rough and tumble in the sack but not at the cost of the sleep of others.  If you do, prepare for a battle of wills and when its up against me, I can promise you will be the loser.
xx
jh

3 dates in 3 days

Ok so I've clearly pleaded once or twice to the love and dating karma gods to deliver on the man front, particularly the romantic man front mainly as all girls do from time to time. Only this time they appear to have delivered.

In the last three days I have been approached by three separate guys for dates. Flattering yes. Exciting yes. Unexpectedly annoying yes.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful nor petty nor one of those girls who have impossible standards designed to intimidate, frighten and self consciously ensure your unhappiness for the rest of your life. Not at all. It's just that there's something missing. With all three.

How can this be? Am I just being asked out by the wrong guys? I am the first to admit that I've often felt like I had the word A tattoed on my chest to attract either Adulterers, Asshats or Animals. Only it seems this time to have changed to 'Mr Very Nice and Want to Romance the Pants of off  You', who have the sexual appeal of a dishrag.

All the men (how awful does that sound!), who asked for my phone number, asked nicely, I hadn't been overly flirting or even all that interested. Nor did I lead them on. One on a bus, one on a tube and one at a pub. All unexpectedly. But being the girl I am and always saying yes to new opportunities I happily gave my number thinking why not, what harm can come to it.They all seemed like nice men, all be a little bit desperate.

Only now I have been on the recieving end of countless messages from all three, lets call them Larry, Harry and Barry. All have been asking me to go to french restaurants with them, go kayaking, go on picnics and pub crawls. All very nice, but it doesn't make my heart beat faster when I  think of them. Wouldn't a quick drink suffice? Why the constant text banter pretending they know you or who you are? I thought that was the purpose of dating, to get to know someone and not presume? It all a big fat turn off for me. I don't want to be wined and dined because I'm a woman and they want one and any variety will do. 

I don't even get flustered or smiley when I get a message from them, in fact I forgot to respond to one for a whole day. Not deliberately, but I just had a busy day and they weren't high on my radar. Verdict is - no tummy tickles, where you feel that spark of excitement at what might or could be just around the corner.

Nada. Zip. Zilch.

So now, because I don't feel any of that spark I'm facing the prospect of turning down not just one guy, but three guys, in three days all down to chemistry. I fear this will tempt the rath of the dating karma gods immensely as well. I asked for it didn't I? They delivered didn't they? And yet I turn down the offerings.

You would think recieving 3 date offers in 3 days would make any girl feel special but instead I feel the opposite, I want to hide under my bed for a week. But better to end things now rather than lead anyone on. My theory is, when its right, it feels right. And this feels like it should feel right, but at the same time feels very wrong. And not wrong in the good way.

So goodbye Larry, Harry and Barry and hello bed.

At least there is always bob, he can't give cuddles but he can sure put a smile on a girls face.

xx
jh