I've decided to list the highlights for some light amusement, there are a couple which haven't been used on me directly but on friends and if they achieve anything, they certainly land a laugh or two...
- (A guy walks past and empties his glass all over the floor, glass falls all over the floor) - There we go, that breaks the ice, "Hi I'm Jack"
- You're just like a parking ticket. You've got fine written all over you.
- I keep wanting to tell you how beautiful you are from the tips of your toes to the top of your head, but I run out of breath everytime I look in your eyes
- Is that a mirror in your pants or do I just see myself in them?
- See this watch it's a magic watch, it tells me you've got no underwear on.. on hang on, its an hour fast
- Do you believe in love at first sight or do you need me to walk past again?
- There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
- That's not a bald spot. It's a solar panel for a love machine.
- How do you like your eggs, fried? poached? or fertilised?
- Was your father a thief? Because he must of stolen the diamonds you have for eyes
- Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
- If I was a squirrel would you let me store my nuts in your hole?
- I want to know where you bought your clothes, because it has destiny written all over it
- I was always dyslexic as a child, for some reason I keep putting U and I together
and my favourite - if I could nominate the 8th wonder of the world, it would be your breasts..