Friday, 12 November 2010

I'd like a scandal with my martini

I don't who first ever came up with the idea of  'after works drinks' but really they should be shot.

Mixing people who work with each other day in day out, with a couple of jugs of alcohol, sprinkle with measly snacks and simmer with a year's worth of niggling pet peeves and steaming office chemistry and you've got a dead set recipe for disaster.

From my own personal and colleague's experience (the last 24 hours as a case in point) here are some things you should never... ever.. ever do at a work drinks

1) Think that every table is a podium and must be danced on..

2) Grab your bosses bum and give it a slap several times while pretending to be a cowgirl

3) Participate in a dance off between yourself and the IT guy which involves breaking out the 'microwave', 'fish', 'Typewriter', 'burgular' and robot moves

4) Interupt every person's conversation at the drinks shouting 'stop talking, lets start dancing' or 'a little less conversation, a little more action'

5) Get carried away when Lady Marmalade comes on and do an impromtu strip tease, which involves trying to take the shirts off every male office colleague in the room

6) Take off your shoes and use them as props to aid your dancing

7) Request Bonnie Tylers 'Total eclipse of a heart' to the DJ 10 times over the course of one hour then do a karoke impersonation on one of the tables, serenading the ugliest guy in the room

8) Attempt to do the limbo without the stick in front of everyone in the room

9) Randomly grab the office crush and give him a pash in front of all the admin staff (ie biggest gossips ever known to man)

10) Proceed to vomit on crush's shoes straight after kiss


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