Thursday, 4 November 2010

Senoritas put your hands up

The sacred art of flirting in the UK is not faring so well. Correction, it's doing dismally according to a new report which has come out from the social networking site, Badoo. It has ranked the top countries of the world on their flirtability and the fire in the pants of their men and women. However it appears the British folk must have been having a cold shower at the time of the survey or  sticking to their 'no sex please, we're British' mantra.

Worse still, Australians aren't even listed. The shame! Mainly at being beaten by the British on any scoreboard. Mind you most Australian men don't excell in the art of flirting. A sad fact. but it's true. They are as obvious as a brick wall and consider staring at your breasts for long periods of time as a successful form of flirting. How can I argue with this logic, afterall it's worked on me before..

In the meantime this flirtatious study, has ranked Spain as the number one flirtalicious country due to its fiesty femme fatales and equally molten muscular men who can make most women melt with their chocolate brown eyes.

It's funny though, in the times I have been to visit Spain I have found the men to be very clear in their flirty, there is no mistaking it, but you soon have to leave the bar due to their persistent efforts and often feel like taking a bath due to the lecherous behaviour of many a frisky spaniard.

Not to type cast an entire country of course, but I've hardly been charmed by the ardour of the flirting styles of many country, for instance;

1) Italians - for all the coo coo coo of their italiano language, I really didn't enjoy their penchant for bottom pinching which left my own derriere covered in bruises

2) Egyptians - lets face it being asked if they can buy you for 10 camels gets old after a while, especially when the girl next to you has been offered 25

3) British - the lets pretend to ignore girls and talk in code like silly teenagers hardly makes any woman's heart beat faster. Nor is the fascination with bottoms alluring. They aren't funny, and nor is constantly telling jokes about them

4) Americans - telling me my legs are like stems to a beautiful flower will not gain you access to it. In fact I'll just laugh in your face. They are great at the lines, not so strong on delivery

5) Irish - Their accents will make even a random reading from a shopping list sound sexy but when they get themselves so drunk, so often that they are unable to 'perfrom' it gets to a point when you literally just take matters into your own hands

6) Scottish - We'd all like to find our own william wallace and have him pick a war with England but they are pretty much on par with australians when it comes to sophisticated flirting. Best example which springs to mine is one fine kilted fellow asking me "Would you like to see my nessie?'.. charming

7)French - We we we, merci are not words that I consider to be part of my erogenous zone so whispering them over and over again just gets annoying.. Being told I am ' a werrry bootifuul wemen' is about as complicated as it gets. Slightly  even less endearing when you hear him try it out on the other 6 women in the cafe sitting near you..

8) Spanish - hola chica whoppa.. doesn't actually feel all that flattering to me, the first thing it makes me think of is a whopper with cheese at burger king. But I will give them this, spaniards know how to dance and their eyebrows are famously flirtatious. However, the majority of the time I just feel like they move around too much,  its oddly distracting like two hairy catapillars doing a tango to the death on their forehead.

9) Brazilian - I can't fault this group at all. The women are women and are sensual right down to their tippy toes. They'd look sexy in a dishrag. The men look good with long or short hair and while strangely a bit effiminate, they are very seductive in their style. I've heard this described as the three charm offensive. 1) touch her on the elbow to show proximity, 2) touch her on the waist and lean in close 3) lean in close and whisper in her ear and then lead her to the dance floor and she'll be yours. It works, and it works well.

10) Aussies - I couldn't leave them out of the list. It's my home and where I've heard the most charming pick up line of them all ' If I was a squirrel, would you let me store my nuts in your hole?'.. a sure fire way to melt a girls heart isn't it?

jh.. ps list of most flirtatious nations according to survey is below

1. Spain 1.33
2. Poland 1.31
3. Dominican Republic 1.25
4.= Italy 1.13
4.= Argentina 1.13
6. Brazil 1.12
7. Chile 1.09
8. Portugal 1.04
9. Canada 0.96
10. Venezuela 0.94
11. Netherlands 0.86
12. Germany 0.81
13. Colombia 0.80
14. UK 0.78
15. Czech Republic 0.76
16. Mexico 0.72
17. France 0.69
18. Belgium 0.68
19. United States 0.63
20. Ecuador 0.62

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