Friday, 22 October 2010

Groans in the night...

I'm the first to admit that when I'm in the throes of passion I can sometimes get a bit carried away. Ok not just a bit, it's led to broken bed frames, glasses, bruises and a little bit of rough and tumble.

So perhaps this is my way of being punished. Nearly every person I have flatshared with has admitted after the fact that they could hear me as I engaged in coitus maximus with whatever partner or part time lover I had at the time. In fact one friend told me I ruined a particular snow patrol song for her because for some reason, and I can't even recall the song or CD, but apparently me and my amor used to put on the same CD everytime we got it on and it would always start off on that same song..

Shame I know. But now the sex god of noise karma seems to be getting his own back on me. My flatmate and her BF of about 8 months have recently turned into the proverbial rooting rabbits. This wouldn't bother me so much except for the hours they keep. They obviously get it on before bedtime and I put in my earplugs, but its a little bit hard not to notice when its making your own bedframe shake. What perhaps I find even more annoying is the fact it only lasts a mere 4 mins most times. What could be more insulting than that? I would be asking for a match re-play myself. I guarantee those moans and groans she makes is only of her just getting started up..

But perhaps what has become even more frustrating is that they then bizzarely get it on at 3am and go for it again. Only this time the noise is even louder and more noticeable. This isn't just a once off either, it has happened for the last 6 days in a row. I wouldnt be so annoyed if it at least lasted a decent amount of time, but instead it lasts 3-4 mins and then I'm wide awake and can't get back to sleep. So I stepped up the offensive last night. Time to talk tactics. When 3am came around again and they woke me up, yet again, I got out my Ipod and put it on at the loudest level to a mood killing song if ever I heard one. Prince's 'Cream' to let them know a) I could most definitely hear them b) to put them off and c) let them know that their noises are about as tacky and impressive as Prince's cream song.. and it worked. It killed the mood and lasted no longer than 2 mins before petering out.

When I got up this morning with a smile on my face I was greeted by grumpy faces in the kitchen. When I went back into my room they tried to start up again and I put on Tom Jones 'You can leave your hat on' and once again stopped coitus maximus loudious in its tracks.

Yes I'm a party pooper perhaps, everyone should enjoy their bit of rough and tumble in the sack but not at the cost of the sleep of others.  If you do, prepare for a battle of wills and when its up against me, I can promise you will be the loser.

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